


The Sound of Silence

by Pline



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Introspection, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Mild Gore, Post 11x02, Temporary Character Death, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 01:23:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5028283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pline/pseuds/Pline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They could not win against the Darkness, and Dean is the only survivor on Earth. But after two years spent completely alone, he meets the last person he expected to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sound of Silence

 

Dean stands at the end of the world, alone.

 

His brother died and there is no chance for him to come back this time, he's been tossed into the Void and dissolved into nothingness. Castiel is dead too. No more angel but not really human either, he was not strong enough to survive the Darkness. Maybe he is in the Void too, maybe his brother and his best friend can non-exist together.

  
The world has ended. They failed. The Darkness was too powerful, they could do nothing against it, against her. And now everything is dead.

  
Except Dean. Dean always survives. And now that's his punishment, being alone and feel the crushing guilt of being responsible for everyone's death.

  
He killed them all. He wasn't strong enough, never been.

  
He's sitting on the Impala's hood, watching the world burn, waiting for death, but he knows he can't even hope for that.

  
He'll have to stay here, on this Earth, by himself. That's his punishment.

  
He will get old, he will decay, but he will never die. The reapers told him as such. _You'll stay here forever. Your body will_ _dwindle and your soul will wither but you will never die._ _One day, you will be too_ _decrepit to do anything but_ _be_ _motionless, trapped in your own tortured mind._

 

After Crowley died, all the demons went back to Hell and closed the gates, and the angels did the same with Heaven.

 

Dean Winchester was the last human being standing.

 

The Darkness had swallowed every souls on the planet, and soulless people kill. It was a massacre. There was nothing they could do.

 

And Sam died.

 

And Cas died.

 

And he was alone.

 

* * *

 

 

There's no sound, there's no wind, there's nothing. The silence is the most unsettling thing about the situation. Dean has always filled silence with jokes and music, but he can't bring himself to turn on the radio. What's he going to hear anyway? More silence?

 

His thoughts seem even louder in the silence. So do his grief and his guilt. Why did it have to happen like this? Why couldn't he do something good for once? Why did he have to make a mess of everything?

 

Well, at least now there's nothing left to make a mess of.

 

Eventually, he takes his car and drives. He drives and drives and drives, he doesn't know for how long, a perpetual night has taken over the sky. He doesn't care anymore.

 

He feels numb. He feels empty. The pain is beneath, eating him alive, and he lets it. He has no reason to fight it.

 

Sometimes he looks next to him and almost expects to see Sam, sleeping and drooling, but he's not. And then he looks in the rear-view mirror, and the back seat is empty of any blue-eyed angels.

 

It hurts. Once again, he wishes he could feel nothing.

 

Shit, he's crying again.

 

“Who cares?” he tells himself angrily. “You're fucking alone, Dean. Good job on destroying everything.”

 

And so he drives.

 

* * *

 

It might be two years later, or only a few months later, when Dean finally kills the Darkness. He never called her by her name and won't start now.

 

The fight was harsh but he won, he killed her. Finding everything to cast the spell was the hardest part because all the ingredients were scattered across the world but hey, at least the highways were empty for him to drive at full speed. And dead world means dead sea, crossing the Atlantic was boring but in the end it was a piece of cake.

 

“Did you see this, guys? I finally gutted the bitch.”

 

It makes him feel better to talk and pretend his family can hear him. It's an habit he rapidly took and it helped him concentrate in finding a way to end the Darkness.

 

“That was pretty badass, I gotta say.”

 

He's so tired. He just wants to lie down. This never-ending night is not making his mood any lighter and once again he longs for the feeling of the sunlight on his skin.

 

He looks around him, the grass and the trees have been long dead, the silence is absolute, there are no birds to chirp or dogs to bark.

 

He is in what used to be a small town in Montana. Or is it Idaho?

 

“Yeah, so now I guess I'm really the last one on Earth.”

 

“Not exactly.”

 

Dean's instincts kick in. He has his gun out and pointing at the person who talked before he even has time to register what's happening.

 

“Long time no see.”

 

How...?

 

“Missouri?”

 

“Yeah, Dean, it's me.”

 

He is voiceless. He can't process the information.

 

“But... How, I mean, what.”

 

“Come on, let's sit over there,” she's pointing at an old wooden garden table and chairs that look totally out of place in the middle of nowhere.

 

“Missouri, what are you doing here? How did you survive the Darkness? What happened to you? We, Sam and I, we tried to contact you with all the Yellow Eyes shit but you never answered, you disappeared.”

 

It feels so strange to be talking to someone again.

 

“Calm down, boy, Imma explain everything.”

 

She sits down but Dean stays up, he is no longer pointing his gun at her but the weapon is still in his hand, ready to fire.

 

“I understand you're confused.”

 

“Hell yeah I'm confused, how are you still alive? How did you find me?”

 

She doesn't answer but instead takes a long look at him and Dean remembers the last time he saw her, so long ago. She never seemed to like him, and he can't blame her, but now she's looking at him and her eyes are compassionate and her smile sad but kind.

 

“You're not Missouri,” he says without thinking.

 

“Well, you're both right and wrong.” Her voice sounds different somehow.

 

“I'm a Missouri in the sense that you know me under that name, and it is me you met ten years ago in Lawrence. Yet, I am not only Missouri.”

 

“What are you?” he fires back, but the answer is at the back of his mind, pocking him, but it can't be.

 

“I know you know already.”

 

No.

 

“You're God, aren't you.”

 

She doesn't have to say anything. He knows it. Part of him wants to feel angry. He knows God, he's talked to God before, God's made real clear she didn't like him, God is right there.

 

But he's too exhausted.

 

He sits down.

 

“It makes sense, I guess. I always know God hated me.”

 

“I don't hate you, Dean.”

 

“Yeah, right.”

 

“No, Dean, I don't hate you.”

 

“What do you want? You're a bit late to the party, it's been over for awhile now.”

 

“Is it?”

 

He chuckles, low and desperate, “Well, if that's all, I'm going to go. Nice seeing you, and all.”

 

“Leave and I'll smack your face, Dean Winchester!” In that instant she looks exactly like the Missouri Dean met in her house, the one who could read his thoughts and helped them on that very personal case.

 

“What do you want from me? You want me to say it? Yeah I fucked up, everyone is dead because of me. I poisoned everything and everyone close to me! I should have stayed dead that first time! Hell I shoulda died when I got electrocuted by that rawhead! Everything woulda been a lot easier on everyone if I did! Is that what you want? Because I can keep on going! I've had a long time to think of everything I fucked up and that's a damn long list.”

 

“I don't blame you for the Darkness,” Missouri cuts him off, efficiently shutting him up, “I've know it would happen for a long long time. Everything happened the way it had to.”

 

“Oh, better. So you planned all of this sick shit. Awesome. Care to tell me why, _God_?” he spits out, he gets up again and starts pacing. “You're just some kind of sicko that gets off seeing people suffer? Oh, you must have had so much fun with us. What did you prefer? My time in Hell? Or when me and Cas were in Purgatory? Or Sam in the Cage with Lucifer? Must have been all so funny to you.”

 

“You finished yet?” Missouri says, her mouth is only a thin line and her eyes are burning.

 

“Hell no, I'm just starting. I got so many questions for you. First, why did you chose us? Everyone in the whole of creation, why did you chose us?”

 

“It had to be you.”

 

“Yeah, we heard that, but why?”

 

“You were the only ones who could go through it. You were the only ones who could win.”

 

“Win? How did we win? We may have stopped Lucifer, your son by the way, but we couldn't stop the Darkness, and now everyone is dead and you just pop up out of the blue like nothing happened and what? You're not even saying anything to defend yourself! Is it even the first time you're doing this? How many worlds have you created and watched while it burnt? And you do what? Eat popcorn while we're praying, begging for you to help us? Is this just a joke for you?”

 

“Shut up and listen to me, Dean Winchester, because I will only say this once!”

 

Missouri might be shorter than Dean, but it's God that is standing fiercely in front of him. He's seen pretty much everything in his life, from demons to Lucifer, and angels and ghosts and gods, and Leviathans, the Darkness itself. But nothing could compare to the primal fear that seizes his heart and soul in that instant.

 

He can't move, he can barely breathe. He can only watch God lashing her wrath at him.

 

“Do you really think that I take pleasure into watching my creations, my children, suffer and agonize? Do you really think that I don't want to answer their prayers and save them? You know more about death and pain than anyone but you don't know everything! I help any way I can! Why do you think I helped you with that poltergeist in your old house? Because I could! Because it was part of the plan!”

 

There is nothing stopping her now that she has unleashed her furor. The ground is shaking with her, the entire universe is holding its breath as God rages on.

 

“I can feel everything humans feel! The good, the bad, everything! Every murder, every lie, all of humans' suffering inside of me, at all times! Can you imagine how that feels? No you can't! No one can! I'm alone! I've always been alone! Alone with the entire humanity inside my head. I never wanted this. But I had to, everyone's playing a part and this is mine.”

 

Dean doesn't even try to hide his fear, he knows there is nothing he can hide from her.

 

“What you don't know Dean is that there's a plan, it's always been there, before me, before Death, before life itself! Everything is written but it's still writing itself as we speak. The plan is both unmovable and moving at the same time. Every decision humans make change the plan, but the overview always remains the same. You had to free the Darkness to kill her once and for all. All of it led to this very moment.”

 

“And didn't I hate this plan sometimes! Oh, I wished I could intervene, I wanted to answer your prayers. You and your brother and your Cas, oh I wished I could come and explain to you everything, but the plan had to play itself. And it did. Billions of years in the making and it's coming to an end at last. Just one more little thing.”

 

She breathes in and out, and the universe breathes with her. She's calmed down now and she looks drained of all energy.

 

“Dean, do you want it to end?”

 

“What...” he cracks out. “What do you mean?”

 

“Do you want a second chance?”

 

“But everything's dead.”

 

“Is it?”

 

That's when he feels it. For the first time in months, in years, he finally feels it. He looks up at the sky, and it is there. The sun is shining as ever as if it hasn't been missing for who knows how long, and the big black clouds that have been obscuring the sky since the Darkness took over are slowly disappearing.

 

“What's going on?” Dean breathes out.

 

“The Darkness is dead. You should know, you killed her.”

 

“But what does this mean?”

 

“It's all coming back.”

 

For a long time, they remain silently listening to the world blossoming with life. No more silence, the universe is filled with the buzzing of birds and wind and dogs and people! Yes, it's people he can hear!

 

“Are Sam and Cas back too?” he asks eagerly, he dares to hope.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Having his heart ripped out of his chest would hurt less.

 

“Alright, shoulda known. I never learn, right?” he laughs bitterly and it's a pitiful sound. Maybe now that's everything is going back to normal, he'll be able to die.

 

“Dean, don't think that.”

 

“Stop going into my head, douchebag.”

 

This makes God laugh. Well, she's not angry anymore, which is good considering Dean just insulted her.

 

“Dean, You did your mission, we won't ask anything from you ever again. You're free to do as you please. Now, I get you feel like there's nothing keeping you here, without Sam, without Cas, so I'm giving you a second chance. You see, now that the plan's been completed, I can rewrite some of it. It's a bit more complicated than that, but don't you worry about the bureaucracy. So, ask away, boy.”

 

His brother is the first thought that crosses his mind. Then Castiel. And then all the persons who died because of him. He wants to see them.

 

Maybe he could ask that they all have a part of Heaven together, being finally at peace and together. But it's so unfair to all those who didn't get to live before they died.

 

Sam. Jo. Charlie. Countless people who died too young or too horribly, because of him.

 

And Cas, the only time he experienced humanity, he was alone and lost.

 

They all deserved better.

 

“I want my family, my friends, to get to live a life.”

 

Missouri smiles, she knew all along what he was going to ask, “But there's something else, is it?”

 

“Yeah. I wanna be out of the picture. They don't know me, I never existed for them. I only caused them pain and misery, they're better off without me.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

It's all for the best.

 

“Well may it be so.”

 

Dean nods and closes his eyes. He can feel the sunshine on his face. That simple feeling is the best thing that's happened to him in years.

 

“For the record,” Missouri says but Dean doesn't open his eyes, “I don't hate you. Quite the contrary, in fact. You've always been one of my favorites.”

 

That makes him look at her. He doesn't know how he knows, but he knows she is telling the truth.

 

“Hell of a way to show it.”

 

“Goodbye Dean Winchester.”

 

And everything fades away.

 

* * *

 

Dean opens his eyes in an empty cemetery. It's a bright day and he can hear children playing far away. It seems unreal but he doesn't have time to linger on the feeling as he notices the grave in front of him. His breath catches in his throat.

 

_Sam Winchester_

_May 2, 1983 – November 22, 2012._

_Unsung hero._

 

“No!”

 

What is this? A sick joke?

 

“God!” he yells angrily at the sky, “Bring your ass down here!”

 

“Watch your language, boy,” Missouri says from behind him.

 

“What the hell is this?” Dean replies without missing a beat.

 

“A grave.”

 

“Don't play this with me!”

 

“You wanted to be in a world where you didn't exist. You are.”

 

“Shut up, it's not possible. There's been a mistake, Sam can't be dead.”

 

“But he is. He died completing the trials because you weren't there to stop him.”

 

Dean feels his head spinning. No, no, no, it's not supposed to happen like this.

 

“What.. What happened?” his tongue is heavy in his mouth. “It was supposed to be better.”

 

“You wanted me to take you out of the picture and so I did. In this time, Sam is the big brother and Adam is the little brother. Most events unfolded themselves the same way. Adam was infected with demon blood when he was six months old, and Sam pretty much raised Adam after their mom died. Sam didn't go to college, he's actually a high school drop-out. Adam went to Stanford as a pre-med, but his girlfriend died and he sought revenge for her murder.”

 

Dean knows that's story, it's his and Sam's. He knows what happens, he lived it.

 

“Eventually, Adam was killed and Sam made a deal to bring him back. Sam went to hell where he spent 40 years before he was saved by Castiel. Adam, Sam and Castiel, well, they fought against all odds, against Heaven and Hell to save the world, and they did. And Adam fell in the Cage with Lucifer and Michael, but he stayed there. Castiel never went to save him like he did with Sam.”

 

“Why? Why not? He saved Sam, why wouldn't he save Adam?” How was that different?

 

“Because, well, the main reason Castiel decided to save Sam, was because of you. He had started to like Sam but he wasn't his biggest fan, if you know what I mean. So, if Castiel decided to rescue him from the Cage, risking to set Lucifer free again, was because he couldn't stand to see you so broken and sad. In this world, in this time-line, Sam was still Sam, he was never you, his bound with Castiel was never as – how does he call it? – oh yeah, it was never as profound as yours. Adam stayed in the Cage. Castiel didn't turn to Crowley for help with the war against Raphael and thus Purgatory was not open and the Leviathans remained imprisoned. Sam completed the trials to close the gates of Heaven and Hell, and he died. Castiel is trapped in Heaven, Adam is in the Cage, Sam is dead.”

 

Dean's heart clenches. Oh, Cas. Of course it was Cas that changed everything.

 

“Not everything bad happened because of you Dean.” God continues. “You made mistakes, that is for sure, but you did lots of good. And you are important. I only accepted to show you this because I wanted you to understand your worth.”

 

He thought that without him, they would suffer less. It doesn't make any sense. He's the one who's always ruining everything. Without him, Sam would have stopped hunting and he could have been the lawyer he always wanted to be, could have settled down and have a nice peaceful life with a dog and some kids. Cas wouldn't have fallen and known loneliness as he did.

 

“It's not true, Dean,” says Missouri and of course she's listening to his thoughts. “Sam, Cas, they need you.”

 

But years of self-loathing cannot be so easily overcome, and so he says nothing. Part of him still thinks that they would be better off without him, that God is playing a trick on him. How else can it be?

 

“What now?” he asks at last.

 

“Now, you're going home.”

 

“What about the others? Adam? Charlie? Everyone else who died because of us?”

 

“Some things still have to happen.”

 

“It's not fair.”

 

“Life isn't fair.”

 

“Oh really? I didn't notice.”

 

Missouri rolls her eyes and says, “I'm not changing the past, Dean, I'm giving you a future.”

 

“Free Adam. The kid never deserved all this. And protect his mind.”

 

“You giving me orders?”

 

Dean is getting really tired of God's shit. Her attitude is getting on his nerves.

 

“Watch your language, son, or Ima send your sorry ass right back to Hell.”

 

He clenches his jaw. “Will you or will you not, your Highness, free Adam from the Cage?”

 

“I will.”

 

He doesn't say thank you, but she hears it anyway.

 

“Time to go home,” she says. “But before that, I wanted to thank you.”

 

“Thank me? For what? Ruining everything again and again?” he asks sourly.

 

“You're so concentrated on what you did wrong that you can't see the good in you. But lemme tell you, son, that you are the most human and the strongest of all men. I know, I created you. I am very proud of you. I love you, my son. I only want for you to have a good and happy life, you deserve it. And since you apparently need to hear it: you have my blessing to pursue whoever your heart yearns for.”

 

It's too much for him, he bites his lips to refrain the tears from falling. After being so desperately alone for so long, he had decided that if he ever had the chance to see his brother and Cas or anyone else again, he wouldn't shy away from his feelings, but even so it's so strange for him to hear those words. And it's God saying them, which makes it even more powerful.

 

“Oh, Dean, my child, I am so sorry.”

 

Being hugged by God herself is not something he ever thought would happen, and yet. It's a strange feeling, but it's good. He's never felt more at peace before, he feels all his muscles relax and it's almost as if his soul itself is calming, the raging storm of his thoughts slowing until it's no more but a soft breeze.

 

She presses a loving kiss to his temple.

 

“Go and live, Dean Winchester.”

 

The cemetery disappears, the sun too, he feels himself falling but he's not scared.

 

* * *

 

“Dean!”

 

Sam is here, shaking him strongly and looking panicked. Cas is in front of them, shielding them with body and blade. Sounds of fights resonate around him. All the noise is unsettling after so much time spend in total silence but he fights off the dizziness and the panic.

 

“I'm fine,” Dean cracks out. It's not even a lie, he does feel fine. His body isn't hurting him as usual, a life of fighting tends to ruin you pretty fast, but he's okay.

 

“What happened?”

 

Instead of answering, Dean takes the time to look around him. He recognizes the place! It's where Sam died fighting the Darkness! But this time, he knows how to kill the damn thing. The holy sword he used to finish the Darkness is weighing at his hip, even though he let it drop after killing her.

 

“Thanks, God,” he whispers.

 

“Dean?” Sam asks worriedly. “Wait, what's this?”

 

“I'll explain later. Cover me.”

 

With that, he runs to the Darkness. He can hear Sam and Cas shouting at him, but he has a mission. Everything is blurry except for the face of his last enemy as he stabs her. He didn't let her have last words, he doesn't care and, frankly, he just wants to go home already.

 

She explodes when she dies, like a volcano erupting.

 

“What the hell.”

 

Dean laughs at that. When he turns, his brother and Cas are looking at him with huge eyes. Sam's mouth is wide open and even his hair seems surprised. Dean doesn't know how hair can look surprised, but it does.

 

Dean bursts out laughing. Sam and Cas are looking even more tense and upset and it makes him laugh even harder. Cas does that little squint of his, the one he used to do pretty much all the time when he encountered human things that he didn't understand.

 

Dean laughs and laughs until he's crying and he cries until he's sobbing and he can tell they're getting more worried at the second but he can't stop he can't stop he can't stop. He doesn't know when he fell but he's on the floor and Sam is kneeling next to him and he's trying to speak to him but Dean just hugs him firmly and they probably both can't breathe but who cares and he takes Cas's hand and makes him fall with them and the three of them are hugging and it's ridiculous and everything he's supposed to hate but he just doesn't care.

 

He's with them. He's not letting them go this time.

 

* * *

 

Hours later, they're back at the bunker. Dean is calmed down now. He's explained briefly what happened to him and they didn't push.

 

Old habits are hard to die and he feels guilty about his outburst, his apparent weakness. Yet – he doesn't know if it's meeting God, or experiencing the end of the world by himself – he wants to change, he _is_ changed. He wants to do better, to be better. He owes him to Sam and Cas, but he also owes him to himself.

 

It's time to heal.

 

And so he speaks.

 

He tells them of their death, of the Earth dying, of his quest against the Darkness, of meeting Missouri, of talking to God, of going to that other universe in which he never existed.

 

He doesn't try to tune down his feelings, he tells them of his loneliness, of his regrets, of his desire to die. He tells them he felt himself slipping away at times and that killing the Darkness was the only reason he didn't let himself rot on the side of the road somewhere.

 

He speaks for what seems hours and even if it feels wrong he keeps on going.

 

There's a long silence when he stops talking, but it's not a painful one. He's gotten used to the silence. He finds it calming. He finally understands why Sam likes it so much at times.

 

The latter suddenly gets up and goes to his computer, a frown on his face. Dean and Cas share a confused look but just wait for the younger Winchester to explain himself. A few minutes later, a smile replaces his frown.

 

“I found Adam. Apparently he just woke up from a six-year long coma and he has not memories of how he ended up in the hospital. Seems like God kept her word.”

 

“That's a good thing,” Cas says happily. “We should celebrate.”

 

“Hell yeah, we should! There are beers in the fridge, let me get them.”

 

“No, stay here, Dean,” Cas cuts him before he stands up, “I'll get them.”

 

Before they can say anything, the Winchester brothers are alone in the library. Sam is the first one to break the silence. “So.. Missouri, huh?”

 

“Yeah... Shoulda known, right? I mean, sounds obvious now that I think of it.”

 

“I'm not even surprised... So, she.. she said that we're free right? I mean, we won't have any big baddies coming at us? We can do whatever we want with our lives?”

 

Dean nods, “Yeah, that's pretty much what she said. We are retired from the hunting life.”

 

“Sounds weird. I don't know. It's been so long since I really thought about what I could do besides hunting. After Jessica and Azazel, I still wanted to go back to college. Can't really do that now, can I?”

 

He sounds resigned.

 

“Last time I took a break from hunting, I fucked it up.” He hesitates but adds, “I'm sorry Dean.”

 

Dean's first reflex is to leave the room and escape the discussion but he swallows his comeback and stays still.

 

“I know that's not your thing,” Sam keeps on, “but we need to lie this all down once and for all.”

 

Dean is tired but he knows Sam is right. He swore to himself that he wouldn't let his own fears get in the way of his peace, and for that he had to talk and listen. He had so much time to think about all he should have done differently and he has a long-ass list of what he is going to fix. On top of that list is making amends with his brother.

 

“Go on,” Dean says.

 

Sam looks a bit taken aback but he does as he's told. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I should have looked for you when you went to Purgatory, I should have tried to get you back and I didn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying to you all these times, I'm sorry for getting Charlie killed. I'm sorry, Dean.”

 

“I won't say it's okay, because it's not. Some stuff are just too big but I get it. I get why you did it. As cliché as it can get, I think we're gonna need time. Look, I had a taste of what it's like to be completely alone. I thought I was gonna go nuts. I wanted to end it. Finding a way of killing the Darkness was just a way of keeping me focused and moving, but I still had time to think. I don't want us to fall back into our old ways like nothing happened. That's we always do and that's not gonna work anymore.”

 

Sam opens his mouth to talk but Dean cuts him off, “No wait, let me finish. In my life, I did lots of bad things. I said stuff to you that you didn't deserve. I was an ass to you most of the time. I'm sorry too. And, I forgive you Sam. To be honest, I'm tired. I never thought I would get a life after hunting. I always thought I was gonna go down hunting. Hell, I did a few times but I kept coming back. But now I got a chance to live the rest of my life, like I want to. At first I thought I was just gonna keep on hunting, because that's the only thing I know.”

 

Sam looks like he is about to object but he thinks better of it and keeps quiet.

 

“Hunting is what I do and I'm good at it. But then I thought, do I want to? Do I want to keep working cases monster-of-the-week style? The answer is that I can't. I'm fucking tired, Sam. So, what can I do, right? I'm not gonna find a normal job with an apple-pie life, so what do I do? And I thought, you know, Claire, Donna, and all those wannabe hunters out there, how many of them die or get hurt because they don't know what they're doing. I could, I don't know, help them or something.”

 

“You want to open a hunter training school?” Sam asks, pleasantly surprised.

 

“No. I mean. I don't know. It's just that we have all this knowledge here and we have experience that no one else has, you know we're good at what we do. I could guide them, sort of. Like Bobby. I don't know, stop looking at me like this.”

 

“No, Dean, it's a very good idea. I didn't think you'd want that but I am sure you'll be great at it.”

 

“It's not like I wouldn't go on a hunt from time to time anyway. Nobody would want that hot piece to get all squishy.”

 

Sam rolls his eyes so hard they might fall off, but his smile is too big and pleased to make him look annoyed.

 

“I really like your idea,” Sam says, “I mean, I could help with all the organization and maybe I could even teach a few things to new hunters.”

 

“You just want to be a nerd teacher.”

 

“Shut up, man, you're nerdier than me. You want to open a Dean Winchester School of Men and Women of Letters Institute.”

 

Dean throws a book at his brother that Sam easily catches. They fall back in an easy silence after that. Cas still hasn't gone back from the kitchen, he's probably letting them having their chick flick moment. He's the nerdiest of the three, really.

 

“You know,” Dean says after a while, “when I was with Lisa, I... I really liked her, but being around Ben was just different. I knew he looked up to me and for the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't a total screw up.” He stops and takes a long breath. “In another life, I would've wanted kids.”

 

“I know”, Sam replies sadly.

 

“How many hunters, even trained ones, do you think die because they don't know what they're facing? We could help them. I know that sounds stupid but,”

 

“No! No it's not stupid. Dean, it's amazing.”

 

“Sush your face, you look like an idiot smiling like this.”

 

“I'm just, I'm proud of you Dean.”

 

Well, didn't he hear that today already.

 

“She, hm, she said this too. God. She said that to me.”

 

“Good, maybe you'll finally get it then.”

 

Dean throws another book at Sam.

 

“You know what? I'm just really tired, tell Cas we'll celebrate tomorrow. I'm going to sleep.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

Without missing a bit, Sam retorts playfully with “Jerk” and leaves Dean alone in the library. He decides to go check on Cas who still hasn't come back.

 

He finds him sitting in the kitchen, no beer in his hands but with a tired look on his face.

 

“Why so serious?” Dean asks, not mentioning the absence of beers.

 

Cas doesn't answer right away. Dean sighs, he has an idea as to why the angel is acting like this.

 

“Cas, buddy, you don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to. You can stay here as long as you want. I won't kick you out, not this time.” Dean hesitates but he owes it to his friend, “I'm sorry for kicking you out when you became human.”

 

“It's okay, Dean,” Cas says simply and Dean knows he means it.

 

“No, it's not. Don't act like I didn't betray you.”

 

“Dean. You don't have to be sorry because I already forgave you.”

 

“Yeah, well, that's not the only shitty thing I did to you.”

 

“So did I. I've done things that I regret, and I am sorry for that.”

 

Sorry seems to be the word of the day.

 

“God.. How was she?” Cas asked. He sounds lost, almost like a kid asking after their parent and it breaks Dean's heart.

 

“Cas, don't beat yourself up. She told me she wanted to answer your prayers, she just couldn't because of that damn plan. It wasn't you. I don't even know who made that plan in the first place because it wasn't her, but it was beyond her control. You need to know that.”

 

Cas just nods. Dean gets it, he's gonna need time too. All of them, they never had time to rest. The silence that falls between them is the silence of two souls that understand each other, two people who don't need to talk to communicate.

 

“She knew,” Dean suddenly blurts out. “God knows about our, you know.”

 

“No?”

 

“Profound bound or whatever.”

 

“Oh. Does it bother you?”

 

Dean wants to lie, or flee, but he will stay true to his resolution. He has his second chance, his last chance, he is not going to throw it away. If there's one thing he learned living the life he did, is that death can happen to anyone without giving a heads up.

 

“No. Does it bother you?”

 

He doesn't want to lose anymore time. They lost so much time already, so much moments that could have been but never were.

 

“Of course not,” Cas answers easily and truthfully. He's looking at him as if he can't help himself but hope, but doesn't dare to reach out and scare Dean away.

 

Dean's kind of always known there was something different than simple camaraderie between them, something different than friendship. Yet, he never did anything about it. They never had time really, and he wasn't ready for it.

 

“Cas.” Dean is fighting every instincts he has to run away or make a dumb joke to break the awkwardness. No, he thinks, not this time. “I want you to stay.”

 

Cas smiles, “I want to stay.”

 

“Good. Good.”

 

He takes a deep breath to calm his crazed heartbeat. He looks at Cas and tries to convey everything he doesn't know how to tell yet, he wants him to understand that he's trying, like he never tried before. He wants him to see all of it, the trust, the doubts. The love.

 

Cas hasn't stopped smiling. It's soft and a little bit sad, but Dean can see in his eyes the same things he's trying to express without words.

 

“I think it would be better if I went to sleep,” the angel says and he gets up.

 

Dean starts panicking. No, he won't let the moment go yet.

 

“Wait,” he says urgently. “I...”

 

Cas looks like home. He looks familiar and safe, so open, so _Cas_ that Dean finds the courage to say the words he never let himself say.

 

“If you want to, I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you.”

 

Saying the words out loud, words he thought so many times, feels liberating. Whatever the outcome, he would have been true to himself at least.

 

Cas smiles like he never smiled. It's the most beautiful thing Dean has ever seen, it's warm like the feeling of the sun on his skin. It's comforting like the feeling of a bed after a long day. It's everything and more. It's Cas.

 

“I'd like that.”

 

“Yeah?” Dean can't help but make sure.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay. Hm. Well, now that's it's said and all, I'm going to crash on my bed. See you.”

 

He knows he's being awkward and ridiculous – they practically confessed their undying love for each other – but he doesn't know what else to do. He goes to walk past Cas but the latter stops him with a hand on his arm.

 

Cas doesn't have to say anything, Dean knows what's going to happen. And indeed, Cas puts a chaste kiss on his lips, barely any pressure at all, but Dean, at last, tastes true peace. Even his embrace with God can't compare.

 

He's home.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I haven't written anything Supernatural and/or Destiel in so long, I'm afraid it might be a little OOC.  
> Please tell me what you thought, feedback is always appreciated!  
> I don't know if it's clear, but in my head the Darkness existed before God but there was something else too. And that something else created both the big bad plan and God, all so that the Darkness could be killed, because it could only be killed by Dean.
> 
> Anyway, pardon any mistakes, English is not my first language and I'm posting this without really any corrections because I'm tired and want to post it before going to bed.


End file.
